When I was 15 years old my mother left our family. She left for a few months and no one could get a hold of her. When she came back my sister and I ran to her excited to embrace and feel the warmth of our mothers arms once again.
But.
We were met with stiff arms pushing us away. My mother exclaimed that she was going to be divorcing our father and she was only back home to retrieve her belongings.
As a young girl this shattered my world. I couldn't understand how the person that I had relied on for comfort could be so cold. How the person I depended on emotionally was so distant. Over the next year I watched as my mother and father went through the divorce process. It was MESSY. Since my sister and I were 16 and still minors we had to go to a mediation and tell both of our parents lawyers who we wanted to live with. We had already made up our mind that we wanted to stay with our father. Staying with him meant staying in the home we grew up in. Staying at our high school with our friends. Staying in a semi-structured environment. So we walk into the mediation and say who we want to live with. It should have been done with at that moment but our mother wanted to hear us say from the stand that we didn't want to live with her.
This was a traumatic experience. No child should have to do that. No child should have to sit on a courtroom stand and express the reasons why they don't want to live with one of their parents.
Over 80% of the people who get divorced say that they regret it within 5 years of the decision being made.
Because of media and my own life experience I had never witnessed a "healthy" divorce. Then I became a nanny for a blended family that had 7 children. A true yours, mine & ours situation. This couple was a stark contrast to my parents. They communicated openly and effectively with their exes. They had their children working with therapists to deal with the emotions and trauma of it all. The parents stayed out of victim and persecutor role, especially in front of their children, so that they could see both sides of the situation.
Seeing how a divorce could be a healthy thing and operate from a place of love was so uncomfortable for me, but the more I was around it the more I realized that this is what children need. A child cannot control what their parents do but they have the right to parents who operate with their child's best interest in mind and in heart.
Divorce doesn't have to be so damaging. It can be done with love.
But.
We were met with stiff arms pushing us away. My mother exclaimed that she was going to be divorcing our father and she was only back home to retrieve her belongings.
As a young girl this shattered my world. I couldn't understand how the person that I had relied on for comfort could be so cold. How the person I depended on emotionally was so distant. Over the next year I watched as my mother and father went through the divorce process. It was MESSY. Since my sister and I were 16 and still minors we had to go to a mediation and tell both of our parents lawyers who we wanted to live with. We had already made up our mind that we wanted to stay with our father. Staying with him meant staying in the home we grew up in. Staying at our high school with our friends. Staying in a semi-structured environment. So we walk into the mediation and say who we want to live with. It should have been done with at that moment but our mother wanted to hear us say from the stand that we didn't want to live with her.
This was a traumatic experience. No child should have to do that. No child should have to sit on a courtroom stand and express the reasons why they don't want to live with one of their parents.
Over 80% of the people who get divorced say that they regret it within 5 years of the decision being made.
Because of media and my own life experience I had never witnessed a "healthy" divorce. Then I became a nanny for a blended family that had 7 children. A true yours, mine & ours situation. This couple was a stark contrast to my parents. They communicated openly and effectively with their exes. They had their children working with therapists to deal with the emotions and trauma of it all. The parents stayed out of victim and persecutor role, especially in front of their children, so that they could see both sides of the situation.
Seeing how a divorce could be a healthy thing and operate from a place of love was so uncomfortable for me, but the more I was around it the more I realized that this is what children need. A child cannot control what their parents do but they have the right to parents who operate with their child's best interest in mind and in heart.
Divorce doesn't have to be so damaging. It can be done with love.
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