Becoming a parent has brought a level of maturity that you truly can’t understand until you experience it firsthand. My daughter is only 2 years old, but those first two years are definitely the most intense when it comes to providing for her needs! It’s easy to focus in on the physical needs—changing diapers, breastfeeding, baths, clothing and sleeping. But the important psychological and emotional needs is another story!
I’ve learned that as a mother I cannot help my child with
her emotions if I’m not doing that myself. You cannot give what you don’t have.
If I’m not doing regular self-check-ins and evaluating what needs I need to
take care of then how can I do that for a two year old who can’t articulate
what she’s feeling? I can’t!
So what are a child’s needs?
Dr. Popkin has stated 6 things that a child needs:
1.
Contact
2.
Belonging
3.
Power
4.
Protection
5.
Withdrawal
6.
Challenge
I’d like to talk about number one. With contact Popkin is
referring to physical contact. Children NEED to be touched and parent’s need to
offer contact freely. Physical touch should never be withheld because of “bad
behavior” nor should it be abused sexually or through hitting.
Pondering this concept has taught me that contact is God’s
pattern. He has taught us that “all things denote there is a God.” ALL THINGS.
Not one or two things, not something that’s thousands of miles away you’ll
never see in your lifetime, all things. This tells us that God is trying to
physically make contact with us at all times. He doesn’t withhold His contact
with us simply because we are away from Him right now. He has created things so
that we can touch Him while here on earth. He gives it freely and we can receive
it freely.
I’ve heard of parents who put their baby on the ground or in
a swinging chair regularly so that “they don’t spoil their child” fearing that
their baby will always want to be held.
…I’m sorry, but what?!
Hold on I need to take a deep breath…
They are literally starving their child of physical contact.
You would never say no to feeding a hungry child so we do we say no to a child
who needs touch? Both needs are important.
I think we should look to the one who has the greatest love of
all, Jesus Christ. We would never say that we’re spoiled because Jesus Christ loved us too much. Because He loved us completely
and freely we have safety and trust. And that is what’s at stake if children
are denied physical contact. They will be left feeling unsafe and untrusting.
This will affect all aspects of their life in negative ways.
Let’s stop with this “tough love” bull crap and begin tapping
into our true selves and giving love and physical contact to our children
freely. They deserve it simply because they are. We can give it because we see
who they are.
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