One of the great debates I have lived to see in my twenty five years on this earth has been that of same-sex attraction. There are countless opinions, studies and testimonies that advocate both for and against the cause and practice of homosexuality. As a part of the generation that is facing this epidemic, I have found myself searching and sifting through my own belief system in an attempt to know where I stand and how I can spread the Savior’s love.
I grew up in a pretty staunch LDS home and community. While being around others of the same belief system is great, it also has the tendency to create a shame culture. As in: “if you don’t believe in or behave like everyone else, then you’re bad, you’re less than the rest of us...”
I know this to be true because I have personally experienced it in my own life and have witnessed it in the lives of many others.
One example of this is my brother-in-law. He was always teased, picked on, shamed, and made fun of as a kid and all through his adolescence for “being gay.” This mistreatment wasn’t limited to his peers at school and church, but it also took place at home at the hand of his own father and siblings. Soon after returning home from a two year mission for the church, he openly came out as “gay” and began dating other men. Now, three or four years later, he is now recently married to his husband. It was heartbreaking to see all the abuse he went through all through his adolescence, and then to see the shaming get even worse once he “came out” felt like the final dagger. He was kicked out of school, scorned by his bishop, and shunned by his parents. Surely this isn’t the way things ought to be done no matter how much you may oppose homosexuality.
Of all the theories on the causes of homosexuality, getting bullied and abused is among the most popular. As I’ve slowly digested my emotions and beliefs while watching my brother-in-law go through this process, I have come to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter what the cause is!
Of all the teachings and commandments and instructions laid out by Jesus Christ, the first and great commandment is to “Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind...And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself...”
Regardless if homosexuality is genetic or a result of social conditioning, the Savior has asked us to love one another. He has absolutely forbidden any form of sexual contact outside of marriage, as well as any form of same-sex sexual contact even if you’re married. However, that is not a license to condemn or to kick someone to the curb! It’s been interesting watching my in-laws struggle with finding the balance between “not condoning homosexual behavior” while at the same time trying to “love the sinner” (aka “their son”).
At the end of the day, the Savior is the judge. Whether he will condemn those who participate in homosexuality or whether he exercises mercy, I have no idea. All I know for certain is that we have been taught to leave justice in his hands and that our part is to forgive and to love...not to damn and shame. We can love and support anybody who is going through any trial or struggle, sexual or non-sexual, by viewing them as people, not as objects. I literally cannot love somebody in the same moment that I objectify them. If I view a shoplifter as a “selfish pig” or a “spawn of Satan”, then I will probably have a hard time empathizing and showing compassion for them. Same rings true for homosexuals, labeling them as homosexuals is not the way to love. Do we label all heterosexuals who are doing sexual things with other heterosexuals as “heterosexuals”? No, we do not. The Savior had compassion on and spoke to the woman caught in adultery as He would a sister or a friend, He didn’t label her as an “adulteress” as did the Scribes and the Pharisees. We are all imperfect and need Divine Love. For these reasons I can be accountable for my own actions, and all the while offer God’s love to any of His children that I may encounter.
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